why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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