unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
