ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
