I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
My breasts were aching with rage.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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