White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
