so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
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