I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
