Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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