A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Fuck appropriateness.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize