My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
They have beer where we have blood.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
