after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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