Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
it was like eating out sand paper
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Randomize
