We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Randomize
