i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
