Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
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