As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Randomize
