Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
