You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
