But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
