This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
