I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
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