i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
