I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
