I seem to have left my pride at pride
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
