During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Randomize
