you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
