Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Randomize
