I can't breathe out the right side of my face
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Randomize
