Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
