Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Randomize
