U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
