He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
