Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
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