well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
