you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
