Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
