did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
