You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
she told me i tasted like america
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
