Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
