Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
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