You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Randomize
