i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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