i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Randomize
