dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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