just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
