Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
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