My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize