her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Operation Purity has been aborted
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
