Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
