He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
